Frustration Station

I have a toddler. Enough said, right?? Holy frustration, Batman! Well, she has just started in on the "defiant stage" and I'm not sure how to deal with the frustration that comes from it internally so that I can be a helpful instructor on appropriate behavior externally. It's my job to guide her towards age-appropriate ways to vent her energy, be it artistic, social, emotional, etc. It is also my job - and number one priority after making her feel loved - to keep her SAFE. But when it's just not my day and logistics go wrong, and then that bad day get's compounded by her excited energy and lack of interest in the activity I take us to and even further compounded by her baby sister's very vocal needs for food and diaper changes and general distaste for not being allowed to eat paint drenched paint brushes - I find myself counting to about 1,000 while my eyes try to roll themselves deep into the back of my head.

Luckily, today this all happened close enough to lunch and nap time that I could "fake it til I make it" a bit, get them in bed, and sigh a deep sigh of relief that it was all over for the time being. But, this raises a question, and that is - what are you going to do to not go through this again? I wonder what kind of relaxation techniques can I find to use in the middle of a hectic, wrong-place/wrong-time toddler tantrum-rific morning - in public, with both kids in toe, flying solo as parent in a room full of strangers? I'd like to figure out a way to act with more grace instead of acting like an overwhelmed mom who can't control her child. First of all, let me just say to my daughter: HELLO, Little Miss Defiant!! Where in the HECK did you come from!? You were not here a day or so ago. Next, I need a solution. Something to keep her safe when life get's flustrating. She just can't go running away from me. I would consider a toddler harness, but truth be told she wouldn't have had it on in this environment anyway, so it would have been ineffective. We can't just not go places, because that's far too extreme a consequence for either of us. Plus, it's not like she wanted to run away FROM me - she wanted to run TO the fish tank in the other room while I was on the floor changing her sister's poopy diaper far out of eyesight and ear shot. Sigh. I need something that makes her realize that I need for us to stick together and focus for a minute. Perhaps some kind of "I'mnotkiddingcomehererightnowyou'reintroublemissydoyouwantatimeout" code word could be established? Something that wouldn't be embarrassing for either of us and that wouldn't leave me to act fast in order to care for the infant and chase after a toddler in a library - or what could be even scarier, Navy freaking Pier or a mall. I shudder.

I do realize that this is ambitious, and I think I'll have to work out a way to practice this and a way to explain that, "if mommy says THIS word, the world must be put on hold and we have to reconvene". Maybe she'll feel empowered by having her own code word that she can use to tell me "Mommy! Drop the laundry basket. I need you now." That could help me, too, come to think of it. A code word. What word? "Lillian" has no effect on her. Go figure. I'll have to think on this a bit... I'll report back.

This isn't such a bad idea in other aspects of (my) life, ya know. I wonder if I can give myself a code word when anxiety get's the better of me and I need to snap back into reality. Or, if anger get's the better of me and I'm making more work for myself by being stubborn than by apologizing or just letting "it" go. Or, or, or... I think I may be on to something.

What are the tricks you carry up your sleeve, blog? Show me.